Charlie Don't Surf

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Story out of Afghanistan

from the White House Bulletin:

= Afghan Officials Score Record Hash Bust. Afghan anti-drug officials said today that they uncovered 260 tons of hashish hidden in southern Afghanistan, a trove worth more than $400 million. The drugs were burned at the site. A spokesman for the DEA called the bust "pretty huge" and added, "`I can't think of any other time I've ever heard of that large of an amount in one hit."

Nasrullah: Look at the big pile go up in flames. Truly we have stricken a great blow to the traffickers. Allah be praised.

Hafez: Yes, indeed. God is great. Never have I seen so much hashish burning at one time.

Nasrullah: It is like a great volcano, the flames lick the sky like a hellish inferno.

Hafez: Yes, there is much smoke. Wait, the wind is shifting.

Nasrullah: The smoke is billowing over here. [cough] We must get out of the way. Very smoky.

Yes, I will move away, very soon. [cough] We should not be here, with the smoke all around us. Do not breathe it.

Nasrullah: I am not breathing it. It is very evil Taliban smoke. We must go in the hut and close the window. [cough]

Hafez: Yes. We must run away from this bad smoke.

[long pause]

Nasrullah: Maybe it is not actually so bad.

Hafez: It has a sort of sweet aroma.

Nasrullah: Perhaps we will move away in one or two minutes, into the hut, and close the window, and read the Koran.

Hafez: Yes. There is certainly a great deal of smoke everywhere.

Nasrullah: I am not breathing it in.

Hafez: Nor am I. Well, I am perhaps breathing in just a little, because it is all around and it is unavoidable.

Nasrullah: And I as well, but only temporarily.

Hafez: Yes.

Nasrullah: Did you have lunch? I am hungry.

Hafez: Strangely, I am as well.

[ long pause ]

Nasrullah: I have been wondering, these past few minutes, does that cloud not look like a giant foot? Like a huge foot, in a sandal, but instead of a big toe there is the head of a laughing pig.

Hafez: You are foolish.

Nasrullah: No! Look at this cloud, you will see it, a pig head on a big foot. I swear it.

Hafez: I cannot see the clouds because of all this smoke. [cough]

Nasrullah: I could eat an entire plate of Baklava right now.

Hafez: I am a little dizzy.

Nasrullah: I have to find Baklava.

Hafez: Yes, I will help you. In a minute.

Nasrullah: Hafez, do you think God can make a rock so big that even he cannot lift it?

Hafez: Come again?

Nasrullah: It occurs to me, if God can make a rock so big that even he cannot lift it, that means he is not all-powerful, because he cannot lift the rock. But if he can lift the rock, that also means he is not all-powerful, because he cannot make a... very heavy rock... [gazes at his foot]

Hafez: [ laughing uncontrollably]

Nasrullah: Stop it! I speak the truth. [takes a deep breath] We must stop breathing this.

Hafez: [Long, deep breath] The fire will probably go out soon. Someone has to make sure this fire does not... burn out of control.

Nasrullah: Safety is important.

Hafez: Everyone else has gone into the hut. They are waving at us.

Nasrullah: I think we should lie down.

Hafez: Yes. I shall make a little fort out of the sand, with sticks, and this rock.

Nasrullah: Good idea.

Hafez: Wait... maybe it is too complicated.

Nasrullah: What is?

Hafez: If I curl my tongue into a tube like this, I can make the sound of a tiny bird. Listen: fffzzzzz---ffffzzzzz

Nasrullah: There are no birds that sound like that.

Hafez: Ffffzzzzz- ffffzzzzzzz

Nasrullah: You have spittle on your chin! [laughs uncontrollably]

Hafez: Now I see the clouds, where is the one that is like a foot and a pig?

Nasrullah: Like a what?

Hafez: The cloud that looks like foot, as you said. [laughing]

Nasrullah: I do not remember saying it. You are making fun.

Hafez: You said there was a giant foot!

Nasrullah: YOU are a giant foot!

~ three hours later ~

Hafez: [ in hole ] I tell you, I do not see it!

Nasrullah: What?

Hafez: China.

Nasrullah: Oh yes.

Hafez: You said to keep digging in the sand. But it is very dark, and I have only my hands to dig.

Nasrullah: Keep trying. I am sure of it. [stifling laughter]

Hafez: Please throw me down a sandwich.

~ the end ~


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