Charlie Don't Surf

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Humor archives ahead

Hi, nobody actually reading this!

I'm going to start posting some humor stuff I've written in the past months. Some of it will date back as far as the summer and earlier, a lot of it election-related, with a predictable slant. Many of these (maybe all of them?) are made-up news wire stories that I shared with my satire-minded friends Bill, Jill, Peter & David. You'll probably remember some of the actual news events that prompted them.

Might be worth a chuckle.

I might also put up some more serious stuff from the past year. Then, I vow, more actual new things. But at this point it's just catch-up time.


That Specter thing...

I wrote this weeks ago. Funny -- or, actually, not so funny -- on Monday 12/20 we learned that the Senate GOP leadership has appointed Brownback and Coburn to the Judiciary Committee -- just to make sure the hard-core anti-abortion movement is there to watch Specter's every move. wow.

Specter Working to Show Commitment To Bush Nominees

WASHINGTON -- Sen. Arlen Specter today announced that he was halfway through a long list of “tasks, promises and good-will gestures” designed to reassure Republican senators and conservative groups who have had doubts about whether he should be allowed to chair the Judiciary Committee.

Specter’s staff was still gathering requests from the Republican caucus, but as of Friday, Specter had reportedly finished drafting a requested 10,000-word essay entitled “Why I Will Always, Unconditionally Support Any Nominee Submitted By the President, No Matter Who They Are, In Fact, He Could Nominate a Week-Old Cow Turd And That Would Definitely Be Okay.” The essay will posted on the web site of MajorityLeader Bill Frist (R-TN).

Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-AL) asked Specter to perform a polka dance in the Capitol Rotunda while wearing a cone-shaped party hat and singing the Alabama state song. Specter’s staff said the dance would occur Monday afternoon.

Sen. Sam. Brownback (R-KS) requested that Specter clean up Brownback’s Senate office every other Thursday through December 2005, “including dusting.” Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK) has requested that Specter spend all of next Tuesday walking around the streets of Capitol Hill, ringing a hand-bell and dressed in a large sandwich board adorned with the face of Jesus.

Sen. Saxby Chambliss (R-GA) has proposed a scenario next week in which Chambliss will stroll through the Dirksen Building playing an old-fashioned hand organ, while Specter scampers ahead through crowds of visitors, wearing a small monkey’s cap and collecting coins in a tin cup. Specter’s staff said they were still trying to find the proper hat.

Incoming freshman Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) said, “I’ll settle for a blow job.”

Monday, December 20, 2004

spectacular job!

from,1282,-4682645,00.html and others...

"Secretary Rumsfeld is doing a spectacular job, and the president has great confidence in him," WhiteHouse Chief of Staff Andrew Card said on ABC's "This Week." "He's also transforming the military. And anytime you do that, there are controversies."

....Appearing on ABC's "This Week," Card deflected criticism of the FDA, saying, "I support the FDA. They do a spectacular job." Card said the fact that thepublic is learning about the risks of some drugs is "a testament to the FDA in how they do their job."

Card went on, "I cannot agree that winter is coming on. Summer is still here.... Summer is doing a spectacular job, and it has the president's full confidence. Feel the warmth, feel the sunshine, I'm ready for the beach," the White House aide said, removing his shirt and massaging his nipples. "And furthermore, night = day."